Thursday, December 31, 2009

What I Learned in 2009

If I learned anything from this past year, it's to act now. Eat your donuts today. Because if you wait too long, there might not be any left. Or, even worse, the store may close its doors permanently.

So go out and grab your dozen TODAY.

For the new year, I wish you much coffee and many donuts, either literally or metaphorically, whichever works better for you.

And most of all, I wish you love. Big boxes of frosted love. With sprinkles.

image from

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ode to a Donut, Opus #4 (opus latericium)

A thousand flavours from a maund she drew

Of sprinkle, powder, and of shaved chocolate,

Which one by one she in a vat threw,

Upon whose heated rim she was set;

Like usury applying wet to wet,

Or monarchs' hands, that lets not bounty fall

Where want cries 'some,' but where excess begs all.

Of folded menus she let many go,

Which she perused, sighed, tore, and gave the vat;

Cracked many a ring of chocolate and dough,

Bidding them find their sepulchres in fat;

Found yet more rings gladly shrouded in icing,

With slighted batter and affectedly

Enswathed, and sealed to curious secrecy.

(co-copted from the Shakespeare)

The Saddest Christmas Story You'll Ever Read

The whole family, in-laws, children and all, piled into the minivan to drive to church for the Christmas Eve service. On the way, my daughter asked about donuts.

"What was that?" I said.

My wife explained. "We had a discussion this afternoon and we all thought it would be nice if we could have donuts to eat on Christmas morning."

I began shaking in anticipation. Finally. A Christmas miracle. After being deprived--voluntarily--of Dunkin' Donuts for weeks, I would finally FINALLY be able to indulge in some precious double chocolate cake donuts. And maybe a chocolate creme, the most evil and disgusting and delicious donut of all. We had to order a dozen and there were only eight of us, so I was guaranteed at least two or three donuts to call my very own.

We arrived at church and I sat through the service in my own personal religious ecstasy. We heard "Gift of the Magi" and sang Silent Night in candlelight. I thought about donuts. Sweet, heavenly donuts.

We departed and took the turn away fro our home and towards Dunkin' Donuts. My wife looked at me.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Dunkin' Donuts," I replied. Duh.

"Oh," she said. "Right. I forgot about that."

Forgot?! Okay. It's okay. Calm blue ocean. Sweet chocolate donut. I breathed and kept driving.

We arrived at Dunkin' Donuts, the building softly lit in the early evening dark, a sanctuary of peace and tranquility in an ever-quieting city, sleeping silently as Christmas truly began to enfold us all.

The kids and I slipped out of the minivan, orders taken from the rest of our party, and we waltzed into the sweet oasis.

Inside, a young employee was mopping the floor behind the counter. Behind him were the racks. And they were empty.

Completely and utterly empty. Devoid of any trace of donuts.

There were two muffins and a handful of bagels. And nothing else. Nothing at all.

"Um," I finally stammered, "We wanted to get some donuts."

"We're out," the employee said. "Sorry." He pushed the mop away from us without so much as a second glance.

I stood in shock, frozen in place for a moment, taking in the empty surroundings, then finally gathered up my children and my courage and returned to the minivan to deliver the news.

They took it well. A little shocked, as I was, but then my wife suggested we try the other Dunkin' Donuts across town. So we headed out. But to no avail. It was the same story at the other store. No donuts. There were no donuts to be found anywhere. No room at the inn.

My wife eventually bought a chocolate bundt cake at the grocery store. Sure, it looked a bit like a giant donut, and it was not unlike the chocolate glazed donut in taste and texture.

But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same thing at all.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!

From the Blognut blog about donuts comes this lovely Christmas donut ornament.

Hooray for Christmas. Hooray for donuts!

Go get yourself a dozen. You deserve it. It's the holidays!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Our Favorite New Play

Okay, so none of us have actually seen Superior Donuts, now playing on Broadway.

But that doesn't mean we can't love it just the same.

I mean, come one, it practically embodies our motto: donuts make the world go round. Or is our motto more like this: frosted toroids of peace, love and understanding. That's not really a motto. that's more like a description.

Well, whatever, you get the point. This play is about embracing and erasing our differences. And eating donuts.

Donuts are love. Donuts bring people together. Donuts erase differences. Donuts are life.

Go see the play. Send us a review. We'd love to print it here! (I'm looking at you, Jim Lochner).

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Donuts as Health Food. No, Seriously.

I’m not going to lie to you.

I talk about donuts a lot more than I actually eat them. Who wants to drive across town to the Dunkin’ Donuts just to grab a couple of circular pastries full of sweet loving goodness? Or maybe a half dozen, since I went ahead and made the trip all the way out there. Or a full dozen so there’ll be some for later. Plus a couple of spares to eat in the car on the way home. And coffee, hot delicious coffee.

Okay, maybe I would like to do that every day. But the point is, I don’t. I know they are tasty and I know that if I eat them every day, not only will I be broke but I will be as big as a house, to coin a phrase. But I also know that, in moderation, they aren’t going to kill me. In fact, they might make it easier to eat that big salad for lunch. Or go on that 15 minute walk I know I should take. If I know there can be a reward, an occasional prize for sticking with good things like raw fruits and vegetables, it can make that celery even sweeter. Okay, celery is really only sweet when you pour honey on it, but still, that’s better than eating a whole donut and, well, I’m thinking I could use a little reward right about…NOW.

How to Make Donuts

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Thank You Donut

After joining the holy donut, I thought, “what could I contribute?” Should I write about what it says about you if you choose a particular kind of donut? Example: Maple Bars say you are an old-fashioned person with a quick wit. Should I talk about how a great deal of my happy memories includes donuts? Should I mention how, in comparison to bagels you would find the donut is better for you? Maybe I could entitle my blog “Danish, the donut’s retarded cousin.”

Nope. I’ll just mention. Donuts, if you don’t like them something is wrong with you. I don’t know anyone who would turn down a donut. The first lawyer I worked for insisted on maple bars in the morning for breakfast. I found my favorite donut at a little whole in the wall when I was in high school. It’s a great place that just so happens to sell Vietnamese food as well. They have this fantastic donut they call the chocolate chip bar. Two fantastic tastes in one. Now I want one. There is a great place I go to on the way to work called Jumbo Donuts. They are actually jumbo! You cannot go wrong with a jumbo donut.

Donuts are known around the world:

Persians are known for their zoolbia and bamiyeh a fritter that comes in various shapes and sizes and coated in a sugar water syrup.

In Tunisia, a pastry similar to donuts are yo-yo's.

In Taiwan, there is shuāngbāotāi. Don’t ask me to pronounce it.
The Indonesian donat kentang is a potato doughnut, a ring-shaped fritter made from flour and mashed potatoes, coated in powder sugar or icing sugar.

Mister Donut is one of the most popular doughnut chains in Japan. Native to Okinawa is a spheroid pastry similar to donuts called sata andagi.

In Malaysia Kuih keria is a hole donut made from boiled sweet cassava that is mashed. The cassava mash is shaped into rings and fried. The hot donut is then rolled in granulated sugar. The result is a donut with a sugar crusted skin.
Pakistan, the Philippines, South Korea, Austria, Belgium, Croatia and Serbia, the Czech Republic, Germany or Poland, Denmark, France(Beignets, yum!),Greece, Lithuania,the Netherlands, to name just a few. (Thank you Wikipedia)

Anyhoo, the donut, the sweet, and sometimes savory, donut. I probably rambled and most likely spelled poorly. It's all meant to say a heartfelt thanks.

Thank you donut

Ode to a Donut, Opus #3 (opus quadratum)

You sparkle like a multicolored diamond.
Your scent is the of sweetest nectar in God's kingdom.

I am enveloped by your presence.
All else seems to slip away when you are near.

You complete me.
You are my everything.

You are... my lovely donut.
I shall cherish you forever.

...or at least for the next five minutes.

Robots and Donuts

From our favorite artist. He has a coffee table book, too, called Robots and Donuts.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Now THAT'S a Holy Donut

Rabbi builds a donut menorah.

Yes, the donuts are kosher.

The Rabbi is quoted as saying, "If you go roller skating and use donuts to make an edible menorah, who doesn't want to be part of that?"

I may be ready to convert.

Homemade Goodness

Go check out the photos at this blog.

Descriptions of Donut Day at culinary school.


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Frank's Birthday

Today is Frank Sinatra's birthday.

Even he, the man himself, enjoyed holy donuts.

image from gettyimages

Friday, December 11, 2009


This might possibly be the most difficult decision of my day. Should I finish the last few Hostess donettes or open up a fresh bag of Blue Bird powdered donuts? Why does life have to be so hard?!

Ode to a Donut, Opus #2 (opus reticulatum)

What sweet, calming scent hath entered?
A fragrance deeply inviting.

The donut.

A thing so grand in splendour,
yet so humble in appearance.

It takes on many visages.
A new costume for each flavour.

Yet for all its looks and tastes,
the scent remains the same.

Breathe deeply.
Recall your youth.

Bite and chew.
Rekindle your soul.

Low Fat Donuts?

So there's an outfit called Holey Donuts (Holy Donuts!) that makes LOW FAT donuts and SHIPS THEM TO YOU.

You may order some for me. I don't really care for coconut, but you could send me any of the others. How about Banana Cream Oreo Cookie?

Or maybe you should just order them for yourself and I'll stick with the full figured originals. Mmmm. Extra fat.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Greatest Gift of All?

From twitterer @mbaker0505

You Know You Want One

Now available: 4 foot tall donut with blackboard inside the hole so you can scrawl all your favorite messages.

Get 'em fast, before they're out of stock, from this fine outfit.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Light at the End of the Tunnel

About a month ago my mom called with devastating news.

The Dunkin' Donuts by her home closed down.

After recovering from my blackout and having bouts of denial, I came to the sad realization that I would no longer be able to enjoy the delicious goodness that is a Dunkin' Donut with out having to travel at least 35 miles. Which I would gladly do! Barefoot over broken glass, even. But, lets be realistic that's really far and gas is expensive.

A few weeks later, while visiting my mom, she had a strangely familiar looking box on her kitchen counter. A beautiful white, no brand, pastry box containing six delectable, perfect donuts. I cocked my head to one side and asked where these gorgeous, round treasures had come from. My mom replied, "I bought them from Fresh & Best Donuts."

"Wha? Ooooooh! That little hole in the wall that has been in this neighborhood for 50 years but I've snubbed because there was a Dunkin' Donuts around the block? That place?"

"Yes." She said.

I tried one. And let me tell you, boys and girls, it was delicious. Fresh, sweet, moist and just the right amount of frosting. They are not as perfect as the Holy Grail of all donuts but they are damn good. It's still a long drive from where I reside but it is a pilgrimage that I will gladly make on a weekly basis. Donut crisis solved and I am a happy panda.

Anchor Store

Earlier this year my family traveled to Massachusetts and, among other things, visited my ancestral home of Brockton. While there, we popped into a mall. And while in that mall, I spotted this sign.

Dunkin' Donuts is an ANCHOR STORE. Truly, these are my people.

Frosted Universe. With Sprinkles.

This is art. It is also an attempt at a three-dimensional portrait of our expanding four dimensional universe.
Yes, my friends, the universe itself may very well be donut-shaped. But wait, you say, what is that tiny hole in the side of the torus shape?In the close-up you can see a sort of wine glass shape. That's us. More specifically, the "tiny area depicts the known universe, showing a timeline of its entire life, from the Big Bang starting at the glass's stem, expanding to where we live today."
As Douglas Adams said, the universe is big, really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is.

And, it appears, it may also be quite tasty.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ode to a Donut, Opus #1 (opus incertum)

And lo.

My gaze hath settled upon yonder donut.
It is aglow with frosting and sprinkles.

I approach with care and wonderment.
A touch, perchance a taste?

It yields to my touch and delivers pure
bliss to my tongue and joy to my senses.

Buttery, sugary goodness aplenty.
Oh donut, you have no equal, except...

You should have an accompaniment.

Milk or coffee? So cruel a decision!
My splendor interrupted, I away.


From our pal erong:

"Praise be to the Maple Old-fashioned! God gave us cake donuts with sprinkles so that we may consume & rejoice in them!"

Amen, brother, amen.

Would you like to testify? Tell me on twitter.

Poll Time!

Poll Time!

Yummy or Yuck?

I can't decide.

image from:

Temple of the Holy Donut

I choose to worship holy donuts primarily at one location.

Yes, I am a Dunkin' Donuts kind of guy.

I was born in the hallowed birthplace of DD, Massachusetts. But I now live in The South where many folks mysteriously prefer Krispy Kreme.

This is what I will say about that. If you like a regular glazed donut (to my mind the least exciting and least appealing of all holy donuts) then a warm Krispy Kreme is indeed a fine option. But if you want to enjoy the rich, fluffy variety of donuts in all their splendour, Dunkin' Donuts is your best bet. DD features light yet substantive donuts that are easy on the eyes, mouth and stomach. KK donuts are overly sweet and, especially in their non-regular-glazed variety, sit like a lumpy sugared greaseball in your stomach.

These opinions are mine and may not necessarily reflect those of other donut-lovers. All donuts, in the end, reflect the unity and oneness of us all.

End of sermon.

All Hail the Power of the Holy Donut

We have one thing to say.

We love donuts.

All hail the holy donut.