What I Learned in 2009

If I learned anything from this past year, it's to act now. Eat your donuts today. Because if you wait too long, there might not be any left. Or, even worse, the store may close its doors permanently.

So go out and grab your dozen TODAY.

For the new year, I wish you much coffee and many donuts, either literally or metaphorically, whichever works better for you.

And most of all, I wish you love. Big boxes of frosted love. With sprinkles.




image from http://riceballz.lilnut.net

Ode to a Donut, Opus #4 (opus latericium)

A thousand flavours from a maund she drew

Of sprinkle, powder, and of shaved chocolate,

Which one by one she in a vat threw,

Upon whose heated rim she was set;

Like usury applying wet to wet,

Or monarchs' hands, that lets not bounty fall

Where want cries 'some,' but where excess begs all.


Of folded menus she let many go,

Which she perused, sighed, tore, and gave the vat;

Cracked many a ring of chocolate and dough,

Bidding them find their sepulchres in fat;

Found yet more rings gladly shrouded in icing,

With slighted batter and affectedly

Enswathed, and sealed to curious secrecy.

(co-copted from the Shakespeare)

The Saddest Christmas Story You'll Ever Read

The whole family, in-laws, children and all, piled into the minivan to drive to church for the Christmas Eve service. On the way, my daughter asked about donuts.

"What was that?" I said.

My wife explained. "We had a discussion this afternoon and we all thought it would be nice if we could have donuts to eat on Christmas morning."

I began shaking in anticipation. Finally. A Christmas miracle. After being deprived--voluntarily--of Dunkin' Donuts for weeks, I would finally FINALLY be able to indulge in some precious double chocolate cake donuts. And maybe a chocolate creme, the most evil and disgusting and delicious donut of all. We had to order a dozen and there were only eight of us, so I was guaranteed at least two or three donuts to call my very own.

We arrived at church and I sat through the service in my own personal religious ecstasy. We heard "Gift of the Magi" and sang Silent Night in candlelight. I thought about donuts. Sweet, heavenly donuts.

We departed and took the turn away fro our home and towards Dunkin' Donuts. My wife looked at me.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Dunkin' Donuts," I replied. Duh.

"Oh," she said. "Right. I forgot about that."

Forgot?! Okay. It's okay. Calm blue ocean. Sweet chocolate donut. I breathed and kept driving.

We arrived at Dunkin' Donuts, the building softly lit in the early evening dark, a sanctuary of peace and tranquility in an ever-quieting city, sleeping silently as Christmas truly began to enfold us all.

The kids and I slipped out of the minivan, orders taken from the rest of our party, and we waltzed into the sweet oasis.

Inside, a young employee was mopping the floor behind the counter. Behind him were the racks. And they were empty.

Completely and utterly empty. Devoid of any trace of donuts.

There were two muffins and a handful of bagels. And nothing else. Nothing at all.

"Um," I finally stammered, "We wanted to get some donuts."

"We're out," the employee said. "Sorry." He pushed the mop away from us without so much as a second glance.

I stood in shock, frozen in place for a moment, taking in the empty surroundings, then finally gathered up my children and my courage and returned to the minivan to deliver the news.

They took it well. A little shocked, as I was, but then my wife suggested we try the other Dunkin' Donuts across town. So we headed out. But to no avail. It was the same story at the other store. No donuts. There were no donuts to be found anywhere. No room at the inn.

My wife eventually bought a chocolate bundt cake at the grocery store. Sure, it looked a bit like a giant donut, and it was not unlike the chocolate glazed donut in taste and texture.

But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same thing at all.

Merry Christmas!

From the Blognut blog about donuts comes this lovely Christmas donut ornament.

Hooray for Christmas. Hooray for donuts!

Go get yourself a dozen. You deserve it. It's the holidays!

Our Favorite New Play

Okay, so none of us have actually seen Superior Donuts, now playing on Broadway.

But that doesn't mean we can't love it just the same.

I mean, come one, it practically embodies our motto: donuts make the world go round. Or is our motto more like this: frosted toroids of peace, love and understanding. That's not really a motto. that's more like a description.

Well, whatever, you get the point. This play is about embracing and erasing our differences. And eating donuts.

Donuts are love. Donuts bring people together. Donuts erase differences. Donuts are life.

Go see the play. Send us a review. We'd love to print it here! (I'm looking at you, Jim Lochner).

The Long Long Donut

On Donut Patrol in Houston, writer Robb Walsh encounters a Chinese donut.

Donuts as Health Food. No, Seriously.

I’m not going to lie to you.

I talk about donuts a lot more than I actually eat them. Who wants to drive across town to the Dunkin’ Donuts just to grab a couple of circular pastries full of sweet loving goodness? Or maybe a half dozen, since I went ahead and made the trip all the way out there. Or a full dozen so there’ll be some for later. Plus a couple of spares to eat in the car on the way home. And coffee, hot delicious coffee.

Okay, maybe I would like to do that every day. But the point is, I don’t. I know they are tasty and I know that if I eat them every day, not only will I be broke but I will be as big as a house, to coin a phrase. But I also know that, in moderation, they aren’t going to kill me. In fact, they might make it easier to eat that big salad for lunch. Or go on that 15 minute walk I know I should take. If I know there can be a reward, an occasional prize for sticking with good things like raw fruits and vegetables, it can make that celery even sweeter. Okay, celery is really only sweet when you pour honey on it, but still, that’s better than eating a whole donut and, well, I’m thinking I could use a little reward right about…NOW.