Thursday, December 31, 2009
For the new year, I wish you much coffee and many donuts, either literally or metaphorically, whichever works better for you.
And most of all, I wish you love. Big boxes of frosted love. With sprinkles.
image from http://riceballz.lilnut.net
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A thousand flavours from a maund she drew
Of sprinkle, powder, and of shaved chocolate,
Which one by one she in a vat threw,
Upon whose heated rim she was set;
Like usury applying wet to wet,
Or monarchs' hands, that lets not bounty fall
Where want cries 'some,' but where excess begs all.
Of folded menus she let many go,
Which she perused, sighed, tore, and gave the vat;
Cracked many a ring of chocolate and dough,
Bidding them find their sepulchres in fat;
Found yet more rings gladly shrouded in icing,
With slighted batter and affectedly
Enswathed, and sealed to curious secrecy.
(co-copted from the Shakespeare)
"What was that?" I said.
My wife explained. "We had a discussion this afternoon and we all thought it would be nice if we could have donuts to eat on Christmas morning."
I began shaking in anticipation. Finally. A Christmas miracle. After being deprived--voluntarily--of Dunkin' Donuts for weeks, I would finally FINALLY be able to indulge in some precious double chocolate cake donuts. And maybe a chocolate creme, the most evil and disgusting and delicious donut of all. We had to order a dozen and there were only eight of us, so I was guaranteed at least two or three donuts to call my very own.
We arrived at church and I sat through the service in my own personal religious ecstasy. We heard "Gift of the Magi" and sang Silent Night in candlelight. I thought about donuts. Sweet, heavenly donuts.
We departed and took the turn away fro our home and towards Dunkin' Donuts. My wife looked at me.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"Dunkin' Donuts," I replied. Duh.
"Oh," she said. "Right. I forgot about that."
Forgot?! Okay. It's okay. Calm blue ocean. Sweet chocolate donut. I breathed and kept driving.
We arrived at Dunkin' Donuts, the building softly lit in the early evening dark, a sanctuary of peace and tranquility in an ever-quieting city, sleeping silently as Christmas truly began to enfold us all.
The kids and I slipped out of the minivan, orders taken from the rest of our party, and we waltzed into the sweet oasis.
Inside, a young employee was mopping the floor behind the counter. Behind him were the racks. And they were empty.
Completely and utterly empty. Devoid of any trace of donuts.
There were two muffins and a handful of bagels. And nothing else. Nothing at all.
"Um," I finally stammered, "We wanted to get some donuts."
"We're out," the employee said. "Sorry." He pushed the mop away from us without so much as a second glance.
I stood in shock, frozen in place for a moment, taking in the empty surroundings, then finally gathered up my children and my courage and returned to the minivan to deliver the news.
They took it well. A little shocked, as I was, but then my wife suggested we try the other Dunkin' Donuts across town. So we headed out. But to no avail. It was the same story at the other store. No donuts. There were no donuts to be found anywhere. No room at the inn.
My wife eventually bought a chocolate bundt cake at the grocery store. Sure, it looked a bit like a giant donut, and it was not unlike the chocolate glazed donut in taste and texture.
But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same thing at all.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Okay, so none of us have actually seen Superior Donuts, now playing on Broadway.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I’m not going to lie to you.
I talk about donuts a lot more than I actually eat them. Who wants to drive across town to the Dunkin’ Donuts just to grab a couple of circular pastries full of sweet loving goodness? Or maybe a half dozen, since I went ahead and made the trip all the way out there. Or a full dozen so there’ll be some for later. Plus a couple of spares to eat in the car on the way home. And coffee, hot delicious coffee.
Okay, maybe I would like to do that every day. But the point is, I don’t. I know they are tasty and I know that if I eat them every day, not only will I be broke but I will be as big as a house, to coin a phrase. But I also know that, in moderation, they aren’t going to kill me. In fact, they might make it easier to eat that big salad for lunch. Or go on that 15 minute walk I know I should take. If I know there can be a reward, an occasional prize for sticking with good things like raw fruits and vegetables, it can make that celery even sweeter. Okay, celery is really only sweet when you pour honey on it, but still, that’s better than eating a whole donut and, well, I’m thinking I could use a little reward right about…NOW.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Nope. I’ll just mention. Donuts, if you don’t like them something is wrong with you. I don’t know anyone who would turn down a donut. The first lawyer I worked for insisted on maple bars in the morning for breakfast. I found my favorite donut at a little whole in the wall when I was in high school. It’s a great place that just so happens to sell Vietnamese food as well. They have this fantastic donut they call the chocolate chip bar. Two fantastic tastes in one. Now I want one. There is a great place I go to on the way to work called Jumbo Donuts. They are actually jumbo! You cannot go wrong with a jumbo donut.
Donuts are known around the world:
Persians are known for their zoolbia and bamiyeh a fritter that comes in various shapes and sizes and coated in a sugar water syrup.
In Tunisia, a pastry similar to donuts are yo-yo's.
In Taiwan, there is shuāngbāotāi. Don’t ask me to pronounce it.
Mister Donut is one of the most popular doughnut chains in Japan. Native to Okinawa is a spheroid pastry similar to donuts called sata andagi.
In Malaysia Kuih keria is a hole donut made from boiled sweet cassava that is mashed. The cassava mash is shaped into rings and fried. The hot donut is then rolled in granulated sugar. The result is a donut with a sugar crusted skin.
You sparkle like a multicolored diamond.
Your scent is the of sweetest nectar in God's kingdom.
I am enveloped by your presence.
All else seems to slip away when you are near.
You complete me.
You are my everything.
You are... my lovely donut.
I shall cherish you forever.
...or at least for the next five minutes.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
What sweet, calming scent hath entered?
A fragrance deeply inviting.
A thing so grand in splendour,
yet so humble in appearance.
It takes on many visages.
A new costume for each flavour.
Yet for all its looks and tastes,
the scent remains the same.
Recall your youth.
Bite and chew.
Rekindle your soul.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Dunkin' Donuts by her home closed down.
After recovering from my blackout and having bouts of denial, I came to the sad realization that I would no longer be able to enjoy the delicious goodness that is a Dunkin' Donut with out having to travel at least 35 miles. Which I would gladly do! Barefoot over broken glass, even. But, lets be realistic that's really far and gas is expensive.
A few weeks later, while visiting my mom, she had a strangely familiar looking box on her kitchen counter. A beautiful white, no brand, pastry box containing six delectable, perfect donuts. I cocked my head to one side and asked where these gorgeous, round treasures had come from. My mom replied, "I bought them from Fresh & Best Donuts."
"Wha? Ooooooh! That little hole in the wall that has been in this neighborhood for 50 years but I've snubbed because there was a Dunkin' Donuts around the block? That place?"
"Yes." She said.
I tried one. And let me tell you, boys and girls, it was delicious. Fresh, sweet, moist and just the right amount of frosting. They are not as perfect as the Holy Grail of all donuts but they are damn good. It's still a long drive from where I reside but it is a pilgrimage that I will gladly make on a weekly basis. Donut crisis solved and I am a happy panda.
Yes, my friends, the universe itself may very well be donut-shaped. But wait, you say, what is that tiny hole in the side of the torus shape?In the close-up you can see a sort of wine glass shape. That's us. More specifically, the "tiny area depicts the known universe, showing a timeline of its entire life, from the Big Bang starting at the glass's stem, expanding to where we live today."
As Douglas Adams said, the universe is big, really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is.
And, it appears, it may also be quite tasty.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My gaze hath settled upon yonder donut.
It is aglow with frosting and sprinkles.
I approach with care and wonderment.
A touch, perchance a taste?
It yields to my touch and delivers pure
bliss to my tongue and joy to my senses.
Buttery, sugary goodness aplenty.
Oh donut, you have no equal, except...
You should have an accompaniment.
Milk or coffee? So cruel a decision!
My splendor interrupted, I away.
I choose to worship holy donuts primarily at one location.